How GOD saved our marriage!

Let me just start off by THANKING all of you. I cannot even believe the outpour of positive vibes and prayers during this whole chapter of our lives. I will not ever be able to express how thankful we both are and that is what has lead us into sharing more of our journey. Jesse and I both agree we want to use this time in our lives to help others who may be going through something similar. 

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Just a little back story for those of you who may not know. Jesse and I have been together since I was 17, he was 22. We were babies. I grew up and lived in Arizona when we met, he would come out every single weekend to see me for months. My family had a business opportunity clear across the country so I moved to California the day I turned 18 to be with Jesse. We moved to Newport Beach and got our own little studio where we were basically living every young couples dream for about a year. I got pregnant with River right after I turned 19 and had him 3 and a half months before I was 20 #teenmom #19andpregnant

I know you're probably wondering why the hell I am going back this far right now but I am just trying to give you guys some insight to our reasoning that lead to our recent separation. As many of you mamas out there know when we deliver a baby, we pretty much age like 30 years. I walked into the hospital like a 19 year old and walked out with a baby like a 50 year old, mentally haha still looked like a 12 year old running around with a baby! That being said, men aka Jesse did not grow up overnight in the same way I did. He still wanted to live his life and be with his friends. I call this have his cake and eat it too.

I have two perfect boys, two very successful businesses, a beautiful life, and everyone that I need in it already. I felt like I reached a place in my life where I knew what I wanted and was not willing to accept anything less, regardless of the history together, the boys, or our whole lives we built together. It was not worth feeling like it's not right. He was not my person. We had'nt slept in the same room in what seemed like years. We did "family" things together but never anything outside of that. If we did go anywhere we would be with friends and would hardly say 3 words to each other the whole night. Our marriage felt like it became a job, a job that I did not want anymore. We had multiple conversations and I truly did not want it to come down to us separating or getting divorced. I always thought he would wake up and change one day. That I would be good enough, that he would just want his family. No more friends that he hardly knew, no more coming home at 3 am when he was suppose to leave right after I did to go be with the boys, a night we would actually go to bed together when we were camping or at the river. 

I felt like I had it all but I didn't.

 

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Being financially independent is also another really hard factor in my decision. I did not need him for ANYTHING other than love and support, to be my best friend, my partner in life. I did not want my boys to grow up in a home where they did not see their mom and dad loving each other 24/7. My parents have been together since my mom was 15 and they are still just as happy as they were the day they met. My mom is my dads queen and he is her king. God has always been a huge part of their lives, they actually even met at church. That being said I grew up in a very christian home. My grandparents were pastors and had their own church, my dad went to bible college, and my parents were youth pastors. Church every Sunday and Wednesday, christian camp durning the summer, etc. You get the gist of it. 

When you turn 18 and ride off into the sunset building your own life sometimes you forget to carry over some of the things that held your whole life together growing up. For me, that was my relationship with the Lord. I still prayed every day, listened to christian music all the time, but I wasn't as invested. We were not invested. Christ was not a part of our relationship. I would go to church but Jesse always felt judged and did not have very good experiences which ultimately led to him restricting his relationship with God. Don't get me wrong, he is a believer and has always had his own kind of relationship with Christ but it was not until we recently fell apart BOTH of us were brought to our knees begging for help. For him, his prayer was for me to have a change of heart and want to work things out and for me it was for anything. I needed guidance, I needed light, I trusted God had a plan for me.  I never in a million years thought Jesse could be what I truly needed, because for nearly 12 years he hadn't. But, in that time he never surrendered himself to God, to be the man he knew I needed. 

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This is the only way I can explain this and I hope it makes some sort of sense.

Jesse will be the first to say, what I did by leaving him and us being separated for nearly 4 months needed to happen. He needed to see what life was like without us. I feel like God put emotional blinders on me, aloud me to not feel the pain over our marriage coming to an end only to truly show Jesse how it would be if we did not end up working things out. Really put himself in that space of loss.

Now here's the part that may or may not be relatable for others. When we split up, the first thing people want to tell you is to "start dating and get your mind off things". I mean they told me this and they told him this, to be 100% truthful I probably would have had I had more time but that was not the case. I was constantly telling Jesse to go out on a date to get his mind off me. He wouldn't. He didn't. To make a long story short right now, neither one of us went out with someone else during our time separated. The reason I am telling you this is because I feel like it plays a big factor into our own personal journey of working things out.

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Now, here's how God played the biggest factor in healing our marriage. He protected what was ours while we were separated and when it was God's time for us to be together he showed me something he never has before in Jesse. We were trying to do more things together with the boys so they had both of us. We had gone out to dinner one night and Jesse would not stop staring at me. It was almost pissing me off because I felt something that I had not felt before and I didn't want to. I went home and called my mom balling because I knew at that point my heart was open. I didn't understand it and I didn't want to. Everything over the past few months I had been through, all for us to just get back together. No way! I had come too far on my own. I was stronger than this. I did not want to give in. 

The next time we were together with the boys, all the writing was on the wall. Jesse must have done the exact thing I had done with the Lord because he was a different person. For the first time in nearly 12 years I felt truth. The things he was telling me, the things he was willing to do, were from his heart and I believed every single word. We have been inseparable since.

Neither one of us needed God more in our lives than during this time. Moral of the story is, God needs you to need him. I hope and pray our journey can help someone else in their own. If you would have asked me during our time separated if we would ever be able to work things out it was a definite NO. I did not see the light at the end of the tunnel for us. 

I am so thankful to have experienced this and hopefully we never have to go through anything like this again. I know we will struggle at times, I know we will have arguments and not always agree but to have each other trumps all of that. 

I love you Jesse James. 

empowered women empower women// salty honey

BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS A TRIBE OF OTHER SUCCESSFUL WOMEN WHO HAVE HER BACK


For those of you who know me or have followed me for a while you know I am all about WOMEN SUPPORTING other women in business. Having been a business owner myself for over 5 years I now I know first hand how HARD it is to do what we do! Then add a couple kids into the equation and that work load feels like it quadruples. Our heads are not always clear and in one place with our businesses. But, when you can create something successful while juggling everything else, now that is something special!

All of this being said, I wanted to share more about one of my FAVORITE female owned clothing lines, for more reasons than one.


SALTY HONEY


For starters 'Salty Honey' has the BEST athletic wear and the most versatile swimwear! I don't think there is one thing from their line that I am not completely OBSESSED with. Not to mention their whole brand is really based around women loving themselves and embracing all body types. The co-founders and designers, Dianna Dahlgren + Taylor Flamenco are pure gems. 

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Some of you may know Dianna for her well known modeling/hosting career as Miss Supercross and Taylor for her previous ownership of a very successful swimwear line. Combine the two and it is f*cking magic. Both of these girls are GIRLS GIRLS, kind, good hearted, hot AF, and so talented!

It's so easy to go to Nordstrom and pick up some new workout gear or a suit, but who is that going to? I've always thought of it the same way with my business and I genuinely think that's what allowed me to grow in the way I did. My clients as well as 'Salty Honey' customers are supporting a family, a mother, a household, but most of all EMPOWERING and allowing our dreams become realities!


Here are a few of my SPRING FAVES!


MANGO MAMA SCOOP TOP + MANGO MAMA SCRUNCH BOTTOM 

<< IT'S REVERSIBLE >>

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BLACK CROPPED HOODIE + SH BEANIE + MANGO MAMA REVERSED BOTTOMS

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FLAT LINER MESH ME TOP + FLAT LINER MESH ME TOP

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CLICK HERE TO SHOP

& don't forget to use the code SALVAGEDSOUL15 to save 15% on your entire order!

You're welcome! XO

Christa

 

i woke up in nashville, with a few babes and really good hair.

This is a very long overdue blog post and I did not just want to let it go! It was just too good.


NASHVILLE WAS AMAZING,

TO SAY THE LEAST!


 In January, myself and a few of my favorite Monat girls flew out to Nashville to host a MEET MONAT event at my besties. Her husband is in the music industry so they live there part time and air bnb their Nashville home for the rest of the month. Needless to say this house was designed to the 9 and has all the good vibes you'll need in Music City,  CLICK HERE TO BOOK!

I had never been to Nashville and I am a country music junky so I decided to make a little trip out of it.

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Nashville had just so happen to get a SNOW STORM days before we flew in, little did we know we would be leaving 75 degree sunny southern California Janruary weather for 12 degree, snowy freezing Nashville. We were ready!

I feel like I can write for days about this trip but I'm  just going to get to the point. All of us girls were so pumped to be on a "work trip" that felt more like a girls getaway! We went to some of the cutest little places I have ever been to, I am all about the ambiance of a place. Nashville knocked it out of the park, the food was INSANELY amazing every where, people were so NICE, like even the girl bartenders. If you live in southern California you know, girl bartenders are not nice to other girls most of the time. Anyways!

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I always feel like before I host any event I envision how it will be or what will go down. It NEVER goes as planned or how I envisioned it. Not in a bad way, but sometimes things are just crazy busy and nothing I wanted to do or say gets done. Not with this event, this night was PERFECT!!!! We had nearly 100 Monat babes under one roof and the most amazing part was that we all had our own journeys that led up to this night, together. As a team of women who are CONQUERING the world, one good hair day at a time!

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You always wake up feeling like a million bucks the night after an event, feeling so inspired, so powerful. I was excited to be there a couple days after to really take in everything that was going on in my personal life and try to focus on what my future would be. 

The night after our event, Jeremy and Lauren took me to a KID ROCK concert that their good friends 'A Thousand Horses' (who are so badass + GREAT live too) were opening for. OH. MY. GAAAAWWWWD. If you have not seen Kid Rock at least once in your life you are truly missing out. UNREAL performer. Like the whole time all I could think was "this man is truly doing what God put him on this earth to do, entertain". I have never been a huge fan, I mean I liked some of his music here and there but I get addicted to artists/songs for weeks and have them on repeat until I can't hear it anymore. I've never done that with him.

Until after his show! Truly amazing!

After a few days in music city, uncountable face times to my babes, getting "dressed up" for 4 days in a row, laughing until my stomach hurt, eating the best food, drinking chai lattes that were bright yellow but so good, + taking a bath every morning I was ready to get HOME TO MY BABIES!!! I wish I had more photos, I planned on doing a full vlog but sometimes you just gotta live in the moment.

Love Always, 

Christa

expectation

I have some food for thought and I wanted share with you guys and talk about EXPECTATION. Expectation is a word that should not be taken lightly. I have learned over the years with my own personal relationships, friendships, and myself that expectation will ALWAYS lead to disappointment. Not sometimes, but every single time. 


YOU WILL NEVER BE WHO GOD CALLED YOU TO BE IF YOU'RE TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE


Now let me elaborate a bit because I am sure some of you are mistaking the word "expectation" for being self driven or setting goals. No, having an expectation of yourself or someone else is not a healthy way to have a goal or put effort into anything in any way, shape, or form. 

Now days, it's so easy to get consumed in social media or constantly compare yourself, your relationships, your children, or even your homes to others. Living a facade with my marriage and our "picture perfect" family photos was an "expectation" I had for myself. I expected myself to work through issues when in fact I should have never been put in that position in the first place. 

I'll use our Christmas for instance. Divorce was already out on the table, I knew in my heart we were done, that I would soon face a road where I had never imagined traveling before. But, we put on our happy faces to show the world our beautiful family. I knew everyone was expecting a nice cute family photo, so I made sure it happened. Outside of those picture perfect moments we maybe said 10 words to each other, we did not touch once, we did not even eat dinner together. In the back of my head I expected things to change, I expected someone to be something they never were, ultimately leading to disappointment. I was not being true to myself, I was being true to the expectations of myself. 

We cannot live a life expecting ourselves and others do be or do what we "think" they should. God has it all planned out, it's out of our control. Your story has already been written, we are just here to enjoy the ride.

Don't be distracted. Keep your best interest at heart and stay TRUE to you. Don't let reality shows or social media interfere with your happiness. Don't expect people to change. Ever. One of the quotes I read in December that truly was life-changing for me because it was so raw and real was this. 


WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM

OPRAH


I know this may seem a little all over the place but it's all a common moral. If everyone would just be true to themselves this world would be a better place. 

Love Always, 

Christa  

breaking point

First things first I would like to say THANK YOU, to everyone who has supported me. Your words, your quotes, your books, and inspiring stories truly are so amazing and I will be forever grateful. 


IF YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR THAT ONE PERSON THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE, TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR.


There was something that came from sharing my journey with all of you that I was NOT expecting, at all. Sadly, it was to find out how MANY women are unhappy in their marriages or relationships. Heart breaking to say the least because I've lived it, I've felt it, I know it all too well. Most with kids, many in mentally and some physically abusive relationships.

Fortunately, for me, it was more of "we grew apart" as individuals and after years of trying to come "together". It was our time to each, INDIVIDUALLY find what in life truly set our souls on fire. Being with someone from 17 years old until almost 29, I am a VERY different person now. Your standards for life when your 17 and when you're almost 29 (but feel like you're 45) with two kids and 2 businesses are COMPLETELY different. 

When you're truly happy in your life, it's like you're in a tunnel and all these lit up paths start going off. I am still trying to navigate all of this so I don't want to come off like I "know it all". I don't. But I do know that I made a decision in my life to seek true, pure, genuine happiness with myself for my babies. Sometimes the people we "think" will be part of that journey, are not. You mourn a person or relationship that is still there, but not. Talk about mind f*cking. 

Reaching a breaking point is like climbing up a mountain with no water, no shoes, no support. It's going to be hard and it's going to take a long time. Especially when you have someone saying "here, drink this water". You can essentially hit a pause button to feed the thirst, but when that water is gone you're back to being on the side of a mountain with nothing, so you climb and climb until the next time you get that water break. Slowly but surely you make it to the top. When you're at the top you don't need ANYTHING from anyone because you have conquered something that in those moments of struggle you NEVER thought you could. That's how you reach a breaking point in a marriage or relationship. The water, the thirst is the love you have for your family, your children, the idea of something that is not truly there but during that time you gave in because it was what you needed in that moment.

I hope this is making sense, whether you are still climbing or you have reached the top, you are not ALONE. 

I would say in nearly EVERY single failed marriage or relationship they "tried" to work things out once or twice or maybe even 15 times. Ultimately making it to the top of that mountain and facing their fears to walk away.

Realizing, they are MORE than they ever thought they were or could be.

For years, my babies were what held me there. I couldn't fathom spending a night without my boys. I didn't want another woman or man coming into my children lives. I did not want to miss their first time trying something new. The biggest struggle of them all was "how will this effect them as young adults and in their future relationships?". 

The struggle is REAL.

When you reach that point of breaking in a marriage, those things no longer resinate. You have all the answers even when you don't.

You will NEED GOD. If it were not for my faith, I would not be in the place I am today. I left everything to God, I knew this would be a battle I couldn't fight on my own, mentally and emotionally. I don't have the answers. I can't see the future. But, I do know one thing and that is I am finding MY OWN HAPPINESS, to be a better mom, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, and a BETTER ME.

Love Always, 

Christa