breaking point

First things first I would like to say THANK YOU, to everyone who has supported me. Your words, your quotes, your books, and inspiring stories truly are so amazing and I will be forever grateful. 


IF YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR THAT ONE PERSON THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE, TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR.


There was something that came from sharing my journey with all of you that I was NOT expecting, at all. Sadly, it was to find out how MANY women are unhappy in their marriages or relationships. Heart breaking to say the least because I've lived it, I've felt it, I know it all too well. Most with kids, many in mentally and some physically abusive relationships.

Fortunately, for me, it was more of "we grew apart" as individuals and after years of trying to come "together". It was our time to each, INDIVIDUALLY find what in life truly set our souls on fire. Being with someone from 17 years old until almost 29, I am a VERY different person now. Your standards for life when your 17 and when you're almost 29 (but feel like you're 45) with two kids and 2 businesses are COMPLETELY different. 

When you're truly happy in your life, it's like you're in a tunnel and all these lit up paths start going off. I am still trying to navigate all of this so I don't want to come off like I "know it all". I don't. But I do know that I made a decision in my life to seek true, pure, genuine happiness with myself for my babies. Sometimes the people we "think" will be part of that journey, are not. You mourn a person or relationship that is still there, but not. Talk about mind f*cking. 

Reaching a breaking point is like climbing up a mountain with no water, no shoes, no support. It's going to be hard and it's going to take a long time. Especially when you have someone saying "here, drink this water". You can essentially hit a pause button to feed the thirst, but when that water is gone you're back to being on the side of a mountain with nothing, so you climb and climb until the next time you get that water break. Slowly but surely you make it to the top. When you're at the top you don't need ANYTHING from anyone because you have conquered something that in those moments of struggle you NEVER thought you could. That's how you reach a breaking point in a marriage or relationship. The water, the thirst is the love you have for your family, your children, the idea of something that is not truly there but during that time you gave in because it was what you needed in that moment.

I hope this is making sense, whether you are still climbing or you have reached the top, you are not ALONE. 

I would say in nearly EVERY single failed marriage or relationship they "tried" to work things out once or twice or maybe even 15 times. Ultimately making it to the top of that mountain and facing their fears to walk away.

Realizing, they are MORE than they ever thought they were or could be.

For years, my babies were what held me there. I couldn't fathom spending a night without my boys. I didn't want another woman or man coming into my children lives. I did not want to miss their first time trying something new. The biggest struggle of them all was "how will this effect them as young adults and in their future relationships?". 

The struggle is REAL.

When you reach that point of breaking in a marriage, those things no longer resinate. You have all the answers even when you don't.

You will NEED GOD. If it were not for my faith, I would not be in the place I am today. I left everything to God, I knew this would be a battle I couldn't fight on my own, mentally and emotionally. I don't have the answers. I can't see the future. But, I do know one thing and that is I am finding MY OWN HAPPINESS, to be a better mom, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, and a BETTER ME.

Love Always, 

Christa

PICTURE PERFECT

DON'T JUDGE MY CHOICES IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY REASONS


What is picture perfect to you?

I've been told for years "You guys are the perfect family!", but why? Because we can all look nice for a photo? Because we can smile for a moment? Because we go to fun places or because we have nice things? 

Our "picture perfect" looking life was far from perfect.  I have always tried to keep it as real as I possible but when I realized that even my own "real" wasn't real, that my vision was a facade, it changed me as a person. When you look reality in the face and don't like what you see, you try to "fix" it. Every time you try to fix it you think of the last time and the time before that and the time before that and the time before that. Then almost 12 years later you realize almost every life decision or purchase was an effort towards "fixing" something that was not fixable it was just not meant to be. 

I thought I was where I was suppose to be. In fact, I guess you can say I was right where I was suppose to be for that chapter of my life and I know God makes no mistakes with his plan. Yes, I know, a lot of you are saying "Divorce is not of God". I get it, I really do and trust me when I say it was a decision that was hard to make, it was a reality that was hard to face. I thought marriage would be one of our "fix it, make everything better" things and here I am less that a year and half later filing for divorce. 

There are so many things as young adults we do not think about when we get into a relationship. Growth, being the biggest factor. What do you want out of life and your future? How do you want to be treated when you're sick? How do you want someone to take care of you after you have just had their baby? How do you want to be valued as a mother? How do you want to be celebrated when you achieve something you have worked so hard for?  I am a give what you get type of person. I wouldn't say it's my best quality but it definitely draws the line in many relationships I have with family, friends, business, etc. I know what I bring to the table and I will not accept anything less than that. 

You realize unhappiness when you find happiness, if that makes any sense at all. My babies have always been true happiness and they were the glue that kept us together as long as we were. If you know me, you know I am a worker. I have ALWAYS been and always will be. When I founded Salvaged Soul, nearly 5 years ago it filled a void. I found something that was fulfilling in a sense of being valued and appreciated. I built a business that I could pour my heart and soul into that was rewarding emotionally. I have never said any of this out loud or actually ever even thought of it the way I am now but it just keeps coming together more and more.

No, I am not doing this blog post for "attention" or to "explain" myself. I am doing this because I want to share my TRUTH. You don't have to like it or read it or follow me or like me or understand me. Im cool with that. 

Love Always,

Christa