DON'T JUDGE MY CHOICES IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY REASONS
What is picture perfect to you?
I've been told for years "You guys are the perfect family!", but why? Because we can all look nice for a photo? Because we can smile for a moment? Because we go to fun places or because we have nice things?
Our "picture perfect" looking life was far from perfect. I have always tried to keep it as real as I possible but when I realized that even my own "real" wasn't real, that my vision was a facade, it changed me as a person. When you look reality in the face and don't like what you see, you try to "fix" it. Every time you try to fix it you think of the last time and the time before that and the time before that and the time before that. Then almost 12 years later you realize almost every life decision or purchase was an effort towards "fixing" something that was not fixable it was just not meant to be.
I thought I was where I was suppose to be. In fact, I guess you can say I was right where I was suppose to be for that chapter of my life and I know God makes no mistakes with his plan. Yes, I know, a lot of you are saying "Divorce is not of God". I get it, I really do and trust me when I say it was a decision that was hard to make, it was a reality that was hard to face. I thought marriage would be one of our "fix it, make everything better" things and here I am less that a year and half later filing for divorce.
There are so many things as young adults we do not think about when we get into a relationship. Growth, being the biggest factor. What do you want out of life and your future? How do you want to be treated when you're sick? How do you want someone to take care of you after you have just had their baby? How do you want to be valued as a mother? How do you want to be celebrated when you achieve something you have worked so hard for? I am a give what you get type of person. I wouldn't say it's my best quality but it definitely draws the line in many relationships I have with family, friends, business, etc. I know what I bring to the table and I will not accept anything less than that.
You realize unhappiness when you find happiness, if that makes any sense at all. My babies have always been true happiness and they were the glue that kept us together as long as we were. If you know me, you know I am a worker. I have ALWAYS been and always will be. When I founded Salvaged Soul, nearly 5 years ago it filled a void. I found something that was fulfilling in a sense of being valued and appreciated. I built a business that I could pour my heart and soul into that was rewarding emotionally. I have never said any of this out loud or actually ever even thought of it the way I am now but it just keeps coming together more and more.
No, I am not doing this blog post for "attention" or to "explain" myself. I am doing this because I want to share my TRUTH. You don't have to like it or read it or follow me or like me or understand me. Im cool with that.